So mom came in and breast fed Riley a little bit as Michele's milk has come in. It is very painful for her and I feel awful - along with all the other pains and emotions that she has to go through I'm sure painful breasts are not a welcome sign (although it does mean she can start giving her baby some much needed milk).
After the breast feeding, momma gave Riley another 40cc and she kept it down which is good, but her breathing and heart rate continued to increase when she ate and after she ate, so they had to put a feeding tube back in her. This means that we (Michele and I) probably won't be feeding her which obviously is an emotional blow.
As you have probably guessed, today is not the best. After 2 straight days of improving news, I guess it is to be expected, but still not something that you want to go through. All the pain is finally starting to catch up to Michele and that is obviously worrisome. I have not slept more then 2-3 hours since Friday night as I am fearful that I will miss a phone call from the cardiologist, the neonatal doctor, or worse someone telling me that I have to come hold my baby for the last time. I have been home 4 times now since Michele gave birth and I have yet to bring my newborn through the door and it is starting to make me not want to go home anymore. I have an unused car seat and it is the most sad thing I have ever laid my eyes on. A father should have his whole family under his roof - he should not be made to choose between making sure his 4 year old realizes how much he love her, taking care of his wife who is in pain, and his newborn with a heart that doesn't work. It is something that is beyond the feeling of powerless - it is a world without a correct choice.
Zoey Update:
Zoey has been much much better today. She came to see her little sister and was very good at the hospital. She wants so badly to hold, kiss, and love on her little sister and it is awful to have to tell her that she can't at certain times. Grandpa Jim has been great as he has taken Zoey to the carousel today while Michele and I took an infant CPR class. This is something that I can see getting to Zoey as she is constantly playing doctor with her doctor toys now. She is checking out her babies and she is telling us that she is helping them - I hope that someday she can help people the way that all the folks here have helped us.
Hi Josh,
ReplyDeleteI am not calling because I don't want to disturb you but I am sitting here thinking of only you and your family. Trying to hold you up. Hang in there. I have been told so many wonderful stories with good endings, some of them far in the past, and medicine and doctors just keep getting better. Sometimes people find out as adults that they have a hole in their heart- never even detected. I am glad that they were smart enough to realize the problem, and that Riley is getting treatment and constant monitoring. It is good that she is still in the hospital right now, even though it is sad for you.I know it so hard to be strong, and I am so glad Jimi is there for support. Lean on him. I love you all, Nana Rose