10-25-10 8pm

So today was another good day for Riley. She gained another 1.4 ounces and we are still on schedule for the move on Wednesday and Surgery on Thursday.

Also, I think the crying is gone for the moment - I haven't cried in at least two or three days and I don't believe Michele has either. My wife's blog post from yesterday is accurate - especially the part about me being wonderful.

I have always wanted to fix people and things around me. I know in my head that this is something that I am not going to ever fix. I will not be growing the rest of her chromosome, I will not make her syndrome go away. But somewhere in the deep recesses of my fatherhood, I think that if I learn 10 more things, read for a couple more hours, hold her for 1 more minute, play with her arms and legs for a little longer, talk to her about my day - it will get better.

It won't and there are a lot of moments when I am ok with that - we will have to face each challenge as it comes about. The first challenge is feed tube and stomach surgery, 2nd is getting her home, 3rd is day care, 4th is getting big enough for another surgery, 5th is open heart surgery, 6th is therapists (physical and probably learning), 7th is getting her to eat on her own. Again, taken in a group it is a list that makes me want to breakdown and cry for the amount that we are putting my little girl through, the sacrifices that Zoey is going to have to make and honestly for the amount of work that my wife and I are going to have to exert.

But you take each one of them on their own and her first surgery doesn't seem so bad - lots of kids have feeding tubes and reflux issues that need to be fixed early on in life (heard about 2 more today). Getting her home in about 1.5 months after birth is nothing - there are kids in our unit who have been in there for over 3 months. Day care already said they are cool with her feeding tube (whether mom and I are comfortable with their comfort level is a different story). Her getting big enough doesn't seem like a problem so far as she is growing by leaps and bounds......you get the point.

I know that there are moments that I am sure that I am not handling this in a textbook manner. I'm sure I have said some things (both on this blog and in person) that I shouldn't have to some of you and for that I can only apologize. But this is my family, my beautiful wife Michele who none of my joys in life would be possible without, Zoey my first born who has brought me happiness and pride that I never knew were possible, and Riley my little flower who has taught me that there is no limit to the amount of space in my heart for those that I love. I will be here for each and every one of them till the day that I am no more and there is nothing I wouldn't give for or to them.