10-28-10 2pm

So even though we asked hundreds of questions and had lots of doctors and nurses telling us what was going to happen, we were unprepared for what seeing Riley after surgery was going to be like. We understood that she was going to be out for the rest of the day and possibly evening. Well what they meant was that she was going to have pain medication because when we went in to see her she was waking up. Not only were her eyes open, but you could tell that she was scared due to her increased heart rate and her eyes going wide. She was also bleeding from the area of the feeding tube - again supposedly normal, but we didn't know that and when you see a new recently cut area of your 3 week old bleeding - your instinct is not a good one.
This is all supposedly good as she is waking up and not going to be needing the vent, but Michele and I were grossly unprepared for this and both had our own minibreakdowns. Our nurses were phenomenal though - they apologized profusely for not preparing us and then have spent the last hour or so answering questions. According to them every baby is different, some sleep all day with the breathing aparatus in others are waking up right away - like Riley. Again, this is a good sign supposedly as it means she will be coming off the ventilator sooner rather then later. This is such a good sign that they will try doing some feedings through her tube tomorrow morning and if things go well - they may transfer us back to Northside tomorrow night now. When she does have these waking up scared fits (about every 5 minutes) she seems to calm to my voice and holding her head, so at least we feel like we are doing something. I am sure that I have said it before in the last 3 weeks, but the first 40 minutes with my newborn after her surgery today was the worst moment of my life. Feeling unprepared, unknowledgeable and unable to do anything about it led to this and makes me realize I am just going to have to ask more questions and do more reading so Michele and I never have to do that again.

I finally had to tell Michele to leave though - she is not in a good way today physically and emotinally. So our very good friend Dawn was wonderful enough to come get her and take her home. I wish I had been able to take her home, but until my child stops looking like a cyborg and waking up every 5 minutes and freaking out.with a look of terror in her eyes I can't leave her here by herself. Michele will be sleeping at home shortly and hopefully that will help her and I can focus on one Jacobs' woman's health instead of two.