Yesterday

Yesterday was one of the hardest days I have ever lived through.  Mentally I was prepared for surgery day, but emotionally, not even close.  I know Josh shared his take on the aftermath of Riley's surgery, but here is mine:

It was AWFUL.  There is no other way to put it.  I'd been up since 4:30 am so that we could get down to Egleston by 6:00 am to spend some time with our baby, so I was exhausted physically as well as mentally. Riley was sleeping so peacefully when we got there, and they started the surgery basically when they said they would.  Even with the delay to start due to anesthesia, Dr. Wulkan made up the difference.  What was the awful part was going in to see my baby after the fact.

Every part of Riley was hooked up to something.  She had her O2 monitor on one foot, and IV in the other.  One had had a 2nd IV and the other hand was being given blood.  She had a monitor on her head to measure O2 in her brain, a breathing tube taped in her mouth and vital monitors secured to her chest.  Blood was running from her new g-tube and staining the blanket underneath her.  Tears were running out of her glazed over eyes.  NOTHING in the world could have prepared me for that, and this was the easy surgery.  How on Earth am I going to make it through heart surgery?????  I honestly thought I was going to throw up right there in the CICU purely from the stress of it all.

My girl is a tough one though, she was breathing along with the tube and eventually came off it (sooner than later too).  Through the night, they only had to give her 2 doses of Morphine, even though she was allowed a dose every 2 hours.  She must have mommy's high tolerance for pain.  Riley has been through so much in her short little life and her personality has been amazing through everything.  If this is any indiction as to the person she is going to be, I am beyond impressed.  Yes, I know that as her mom I am biased, but she is amazing to me.